The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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