Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
