honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
