i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
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