Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
