it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
