I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
