Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
