I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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