I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
