for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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