Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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