So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He shit in the fireplace
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
