Hey man sorry I got all grabby
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize