i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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