So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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