oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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