My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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