I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
