I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
