Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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