i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
