Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i dont even know how to be here
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
