he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
