If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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