A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
