I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize