So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
