Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
