Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
