I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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