I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
