Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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