People in love make me want to vomit
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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