The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
