I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
