You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
