Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i now understand why vodka
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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