my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
