at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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