these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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