the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
