Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
