Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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