I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
