She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
