Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
