Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
