i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
