Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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