On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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