I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
