Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
