A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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