i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
