Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
