Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
