I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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