My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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