I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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