in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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