Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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