just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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