hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
