wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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