fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I party with great urgency now.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
