Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
