At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
