I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
